so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
