your thong is hanging out like whoa
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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