mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
