She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
