just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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