I'm jealous of your bromance
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
