Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
