im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
