Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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