U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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