dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
the day after is always just damage control
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
