I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
