Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
