i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
