Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
