What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
