remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
