I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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