He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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