Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
