Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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