i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
