We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
