i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
