I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
