just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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