how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Don't tell me you're on acid again
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
