I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
