just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
