My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
