imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
