You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
