Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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