I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
