i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
