Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
