i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
