You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
