singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
