my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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