i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
