so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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