I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
