I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
