No stitches, just platelets and will power
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
