this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
