There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
