She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
