so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
