and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
