....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
