the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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