i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Found your dick twin last night
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
