Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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