so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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